Charlie Lehardy

God is truly amazing and I feel sorry for the people who don’t know Him. Where else do we get such unconditional love and forgiveness? Not from each other… We’re pitiful beings who would sell ourselves for the right price and don’t deserve anything from God, but yet here He is. Giving us the gift of life with HIS.

There’s nothing else like it. We don’t deserve it, but yet it was given to us freely as a gift so that we might live and have eternal life. For the longest time I didn’t want that gift. I refused to accept it and wouldn’t let God’s grace and forgiveness surround me. This was because I didn’t forgive myself for my transgressions and didn’t consider myself worthy. But I was missing the point. I’m NOT worthy, not ever but yet God has given us this gift. Yes, it’s ours to accept or not, but if we want it, it’s there for the taking and life is GOOD when you accept that gift.

So today I will be thanking God for the gift He gave me. For the new life He’s offered and remembering that He loves me no matter what I do. Yep, there’s those times He’s wondering what the heck I AM doing, but He loves me anyway and is just waiting for me to jump back into His arms and follow His plan again. God is GOOD. Thank you God for everything you’ve given me. I don’t deserve it, but I need it. So thank you.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I am in the same group of Christians I describe below. I really try to be good, but there are those times I fail and am NOT good. I’m no better than most Christians, but that still doesn’t make it right…

AMAZING! Two blogs in one day. Well, two in one day if I finish this in 15 minutes that is and I should since this one is pretty quick…

What’s it about? Well, it’s another rant and it’s about Christians and cussing. Call me a prude, but I consider your normal four-letter words to be taboo still. And I think that as Christians, we should ALL consider them taboo too. Do they mean what they used to? No… But they do still cause people to take notice and are considered offensive. Movies can still be rated R because of the language in them (although, it does take more now than before), so why do so many Christians think it’s OK for them to cuss?

We’re meant to be the salt of the Earth. The seasoning if you will. That means we’re supposed to be DIFFERENT. It DOESN’T mean we’re to act the same as everybody else. Am I in that boat? Sure, I cuss at times. I know this, but the difference is that I don’t WANT to and I try hard not to. Sometimes it slips out (especially when everybody at work cusses all the time), but that’s just what it is. A slip, not something I do on a normal basis. Is that good? Nope, but I think that’s the best anybody can expect from anybody else (it’s all I expect from my friends…).
Anyway, just something for you to think about.

So, a lot of things have happened since my last post. I guess I’ll start with the beginning and go from there! April 1st was a very good day (really, no April Fools!). That night was Stomp in Phoenix at ASU Gammage Theatre with a bunch of friends, but first my Dad and I went up early to look at a car (again, in Phoenix).

Well, a few hours after looking at it, I had purchased it and drove it off the lot! So, I’m the new owner of a 2002 Honda Accord Coupe. It’s just the 2.3L 4cyl engine, but that also means that it’s pretty fuel-efficient (good with the way the gas is going) and cheaper (guess that’s good so I can pay off debts and the car quicker). This did unfortunately mean that I couldn’t join my friends for dinner before the show, but that was ok because I had a new car!

Anyway, after that I went to the show and it was awesome! Lots of fun and I was really glad to go. Tried to take a few pictures but… they were all blurry in the end so I deleted them. *sighs* Oh well… Sunday I went to Rocks & Ropes (an indoor rock climbing gym) with some friends and then of course volleyball afterwords. Good end to that weekend.

So then that week (the week of the 3rd) was more training at work (actually in classes). Everything went well until Wednesday night (a week ago exactly!) when I went to play raquetball with a friend at Gold’s Gym. I hadn’t played for a LONG time (years) and hadn’t been to Gold’s for a while either (months). And I don’t think I’ll forget the experience for a while

What happened you ask? Well, really, nothing all that much. I just got hit in the face with a raquetball racket while playing with two friends. Of course, it bled pretty well and cut me pretty deep (I did get hit pretty hard) and so I went to the hospital (my right eye, where I got hit, was a bit blurry which was not making me too happy…). I did drive myself and went to my place beforehand to get some contacts and glasses JUST in case they (the people at the hospital) wanted me to change them.

Got there around 9:30 PM or 10:00 PM and by that time, my eye was not so blurry and the cut had stopped hurting a LONG time before that (about 10-20 minutes after I got hit really…), but I still decided I needed stitches. Well, after getting in and waiting for HOURS, I finally talked to the Doctor who wanted to give me a CT Scan (lovely…) and then stitch me up. Long story short, I was there for a total of 7 hours or so (actually went home and then found that my cut was under my eyebrow which the doc didn’t see and didn’t stitch and so I went back) and didn’t get to bed until 6:00 AM or so.

They gave me a total of 10 stitches (nine the first time, one the second), plus of course some anti-biotics (well, got that at Walgreens on the way home) and pain medicine. I took the next day off (well, really that day which was Thursday) of work (after notifying them of course) and slept most of the day. So yeah, that was great fun. But I’ve had no pain from it all so I guess I can’t complain too much

Then on Saturday night I had a BBQ at my place and I guess about 25 people showed up. Quite a large number for the size of this place (two bedroom, two bath townhouse), but it was a lot of fun. A number of us then went to a local park for a night hike since the moon was fairly full and the weather was nice. Then on Sunday the 9th, I played Ultimate frisbee and just today I stopped being sore from that. But I had a LOT of fun. We had 20 some odd people in all (maybe closer to 30) so it was a good game for sure. Just tiring! Then again, volleyball of course

And now we’re here at today. Still doing training for work and all that. I’m due to get my stitches out tomorrow (could have gotten them out yesterday but… I couldn’t get a doctor’s appointment in time) and I’m actually thinking about playing raquetball tonight with the same guy who hit me last week… Guess I am crazy after all!!

Why do I say that? Well, I’ve been searching for a new car to buy. No, not a brand new car, I don’t want to mess with the depreciation. But a good used car. What I REALLY want is a Honda Accord Coupe V6 with a 6-speed manual. However, those pretty much don’t exist used so I’m mostly looking at 4-bangers with the 5-speed manual transmission.

But finding one in Tucson or Phoenix that’s a good price and certified used is REALLY hard. And some of the people I’ve dealt with are, shall we say, less than honest at times. For instance, there’s a large dealership here that has a 2003 Honda Accord Coupe 4-cyl with a 5-speed manual for sale. I first looked at the car a little over a week ago and test drove it and it wasn’t too bad. However, it has one of those big-ass mufflers on it that (sadly) my generation typically put on them. You know the ones, they make a bunch of noise and piss everybody else off.

Anyway, the dealer’s story on the muffler is that an older (well, not 20’s) person owned the car and hit the original muffler and punctured it while backing up. Where he was, he couldn’t buy a normal one, so it was the choice between a chromed-out one that was really annoying, or the one that’s on the car now.

Ok, fine, I guess I can deal with that. But at $17,123 (well, I think they quoted me $17,233, but it was listed on their website for $17,123 so I was going to push that price to start with if/when I started bargining), I wanted to wait a little bit (just didn’t like that muffler and there are a couple scratches on the back bumper).

So, over this weekend I found out that they still had the car and so I went over to look at it again. I test drove it again and started talking to them about actual prices and stuff. Brought up the $17,123 and we started from there. But I found out that it’s NOT certified used (despite them being a Honda dealership) because of the muffler. Of course, THEY claim that the ONLY thing that kept it from being certified was the muffler but I’m sure that the guy doing inspections saw that muffler and said no and moved to the next car without checking anything else. I mean, would you see something like that muffler that is an automatic rejection (not a factory install, not a Honda part), but continue to do the rest of the check for the heck of it? I didn’t think so…

Anyway, that made their price about $1,000 too much because it didn’t have the warranty. I told them that and they said they couldn’t drop that much and so I said bye (well, I actually said it was $1,500 too much because it had a new paint-chip taken out of the passenger door and so that combined with the scratches on the rear bumper amounted to $500 to me).

So now we’re at yesterday (Monday). I did a search for more Honda’s in the area and that car is still available but guess what? The price is NOW $16,188 (was $17,123 if you remember). Amazing! They dropped the price by $1,000 (or close enough). Wonder why that is… But I didn’t call them or get ahold of them at that point because I figured that it didn’t hurt to wait a bit (getting bad feelings about the car as time goes on).

So last night I get an email from the salesman. He said that he’s willing to take another $495 off of the price of the car (in addition to the $400 he originally said he’d take off) because that’s how much they paid for the certification and so that would make it (according to him) $16,338 (do the math by the way… $17,123 - $400 - $495 != $16,338) .

So I was then pretty happy to email him back and ask a simple question: I’m confused… I was just looking at your website and the price quoted is $16,188. But you just quoted me $16,338. What’s the difference between those quotes?

No, I have not heard back from him yet (to be fair, I did write last night at 6 PM or so). But I’m hoping I’ll hear back from him today to see how he responds. But it makes me realize how much I really can NOT trust salesmen. This whole experience has shown me a LOT of ways that they play with the figures and try to get the most money from you (or me I guess) as possible. Yes, I knew they did that before, but I guess I didn’t realize the extent that they’d go to try and rip you off!!

New experiences. Guess those are the best way to learn

I just saw Switchfoot at the Rialto here in Tucson and I loved it! I had a great time and really heard God speaking to me through the show. But especially the first couple songs (first one was The Shadow Proves the Sunshine which is a GREAT song and a perfect start). They really put on a good show (saw them in Phx too which was very cool).

I also got to see some friends from The Xchange that I didn’t expect to see which was very cool. And some other friends of mine got to come who LOVE Switchfoot (they’re really the ones who started me on Switchfoot years ago…). So yeah, it was a great time. However, this also means that I’m REALLY tired and have to get up fairly early tomorrow to help a friend move so…

I’m outta here and going to bed! Cya!

Over the last year or so I’ve been trying to keep up with world events and how they are progressing as time goes on. But what I’ve found is that no matter WHAT organization you choose to read the news from, there’s some sort of a slant to it.

This of course doesn’t come as a surprise to me. What DOES surprise me is the number of people that don’t know this themselves, or at least don’t think about it. Journalists are people (duh!) and as such they are not perfect. This means that they can make mistakes and also report events and write articles in ways that slant things in a way that makes more sense to them. OR so that it benefits the people that they support more.

Usually, this is done without the reporter even knowing it happened. Those times are of course understandable. But there are those that will do it on purpose and without any system of checks to ensure that the information is at least valid. And THOSE are the times that the industry scares me. Whenever I am reading up on a topic that is fairly large, I ensure that I read multiple papers (online generally) to get a wider viewpoint.

I also try and get an understanding of who the paper is and what their viewpoints are overall. This gives me a better idea of what way they might slant. Put all of that together with a large handful of salt and I’ve got my unslanted viewpoint of what’s going on. Well, that’s not true because through the entire process, I’m putting my OWN slant on things because I’M human and I’M not perfect and I do have an agenda of my own.

Anyway, I guess my main point is that WAY too many people take what they read and see on TV at face value and don’t think for themselves. I guess that’s just the way the world is going these days, but it’s REALLY frustrating to see. So yep, that’s my rant. Pitiful I know, but I’ll do better, I promise!

Well, what I decided that I need to realize is that I’m a perfectionist and so because of that, I try to push everything I do to perfection. This is a good thing for sure, but it also means that when I don’t achieve perfection, I’m a failure (in my mind) and therefore get myself into this rut that gets deeper and deeper.

The good news is that I’ve figured this out about myself over the years… It just takes a little bit of time to catch it and stop it. Of course, the biggest part of all this is putting the control in God’s hands and removing myself from the equation. Well, not exactly removing myself, but pulling the responsibility out of my hands and into God’s since that’s where it will work out best anyway.

So, I’m back. A bit of a down-hill there but in the end, nothing too major. Just needing to realize that this is the next major “speed-bump” in my life and that it will take time to get this one taken care of the right way.

As my last post has probably indicated, I’m not exactly happy right now. Far from it actually. Why is it that I’m not happy? I mean, I just got a new job that’s going pretty well and so I should be on top of the world, right? Well, it’s because I still feel incomplete. And THAT’S because I’m really wanting to find the right girl for me and have had a LOT of hurt in that area instead.

Yep, it pretty much boils down to girls. I guess that’s the case for most guys my age, but it’s always seemed to be more of a problem for me than with other guys. Through my life, I’d only had three girlfriends. In a lot of ways, that’s actually a good thing because I’ve only had three opportunities to really get close to a girl and have my heart broken (or break hers). But it’s also meant that every other girl I’ve approached has reproached me for bringing up the subject.

The thing is that I know what I need to do. I know I need to turn this over to God and let him take care of it. But this is my hardest struggle in life. This is the one that I always take over for myself and very rarely give to God. It’s sad, but I think that’s because I don’t trust him to give me what I want. So instead, I try to take it myself and end up failing instead. And as I have said before, it’s been made harder by most of the good friends I had before starting to date eachother and leaving me (and others) out of their new lives and relationships. Yes, some of that has been me not wanting to be a part of their PDA, but it does take two to tango…

That still leaves me here, knowing full well what I need to do but not wanting to do it because it’s so hard. I’m even using the excuse that I don’t know HOW to give it over to God to keep me from doing what I know is right and best for me. Well, that’s not completely fair. I really am NOT sure what I need to do for that, but I’m positive that if I put a little effort forward, I’d figure it out.

Above all else though, I want to get out of this rut and remove this stumbling block that has been with me for so long. I want to clean my life up and give this piece over to God and let HIM take care of it. Let HIM worry about it and let HIM make everything work for HIS glory. Because THAT is the definition of perfection and it would certainly be the perfect choice for me. So, that’s my wish and hope. That I can have the strength to give it to God and let him do what’s right in my life. Then I won’t be so sad about it any more.

I wish I knew what was going on with my life. What was going on with me but I don’t and it’s getting me more and more frustrated. I’m not able to do the things I need to do when I want to do them and that’s making me VERY annoyed with myself. Not only that but the things in my life that used to make me happy don’t any more. It’s like I’m a completely different person than I used to be, but I’m not even sure what that person is any more.

Yesterday I talked about change in my life and how much change there is going on. But I really only scratched the surface. There’s even more going on inside my head than what I talked about. Besides the change going on, I’m not even sure what I DO want, much less what I don’t. Take friends for example. I’ve had a great bunch of friends for the last few years (4 or 5). But things have changed in the group now and I don’t have nearly as much fun hanging out with them. Part of it is because I was traveling so much with my last job and was almost never around. But it is also because of the other people in the group changing and not doing the same things as before.

No, I don’t blame them (that’s what life is about), but it makes it hard to enjoy the group when it’s not the same as it was before and “I’M” different too. So I’ve been trying to find some new friends but I can’t seem to find a group that I really feel like I fit into. There’s this group from The Xchange (a group at Casas Adobes Baptist Church) that is fairly cool and most of them are in the same place in life that I am. But they are mostly party kind of people and drink and go to clubs a lot and I stopped doing that kind of thing a while ago.

Not only that, but I don’t feel like I’m as good as them whenever I hang out with them. Kinda like I’m the younger sibling that hangs around but nobody really wants them to. Would anybody from that group say that’s the case? Probably not but that’s what I think every time I’m with them (like tonight). Don’t get me wrong, I do generally have fun when I hang out with that group but it’s just not the same…

Then there’s also my roomie and some of his friends. They are cool to hang out with, but depending upon who’s there, I feel like I’m the old fogie of the group (mostly cuz they’re all college-aged and I’m not). Maybe it’s just that I’m picky (well, probably it’s partly that because I am…), but I’m just having a lot more problems with this than I think I should.

I guess it all makes me feel abnormal. Which is the last thing I want. I want to fit in, to feel like I mean something and I don’t. I don’t want to have these struggles and I think I always will. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Now THAT’S a depressing thought. Nothing I can do about it. So here I am, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. Who I’m supposed to be and as usual, I’m lost. And yes, I’m trying to do it the right way. I’m trying to do what God wants me to do but that’s not exactly easy.

No, it’s not supposed to be easy because if it were, what would we learn? But while I’m in it, I want out. I want another way, something else to happen. Freedom is what I want. Freedom from this pain that I’m always carrying around. From the burdens that I put on myself. Only God can do that, so I guess the answer is to keep giving it to him. Keep giving him the pain and everything else and carry on. The narrow path is the one I need to take. I hope I don’t stray too far.

I’ve never been one for change, unless it’s been planned and all thought out. But the last 7 years of my life have been pretty much living on the edge of my seat and taking life as it comes to me (and as I make it…). I mean, if my original plan had been in place, I’d be working for some company in computers (probably programming or maybe designing circuits) and of course have a degree.

I also expected to be married by now or at LEAST have a serious relationship going on. But none of that has happened and I’m FINALLY realizing that it’s ok. Sure, things are different than I wanted and have been fairly interesting at times but it’s taught me a lot about myself and especially God and so I think it’s been benificial.

Like tonight, I hung out with a bunch of younger kids (kids being college-aged generally) and we watched Batman Begins. Not what I’d generally consider a fun night out, but I did have fun for the most part. There was a line in there where Bruce Wayne was asked by his Dad: Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

I’m fairly certain that it wasn’t meant to be Christian in nature, but it still works. I mean, how else do we learn as humans? We almost always have to do it the hard way (like burning your hand on the stove as a kid). We learn best that way and generally never do it again. But it’s painful for sure. I’m getting to the point now where I can see some benifit from my previous falls and having to pick myself back up again.

No, I’m certainly not perfect and never will be. I don’t have all the answers and I still fall in one way or another every day. But the big falls are not as big any more (at least I’m hoping not!) and I don’t slide as far as I used to when I do fall. Granted, my life isn’t over and there’s plenty to do still. But I do feel like I’m making progress and that’s a good thing.

So what does this all have to do with change? Well, I’m going through some major changes in my life right now. New job, new friends (sortof…) and a new Church. New job you’ve heard plenty about. New friends, well… the old “group” just doesn’t hang out as much as we used to because people have gotten jobs, relationships or just changed personalities. It’s been about a month since I’ve hung out with them and that’s unheard of in Group history.

This means to me that it’s time to find a new group of friends, but I’m just not sure which ones. I’m friends with some people that go to a Wednesday Night Bible Study thing that also go to Casas, but I’m not sure they’re the ones I want to hang out with. Most of them are in the clubbing and drinking range right now and I passed that a while ago (stopped drinking in May, another lesson…). So it makes it hard to want to hang out with them when I’m fairly different in those ways, and others.

But I dunno who else to hang out with so I’m trying to figure that one out (other than the core group of friends that I’m thankful to have right now). And Church, well…� I moved and so the Church I pretty much grew up in is pretty far away now. Plus, the original pastor of that Church is preaching at a Church rather near me. However, there are not NEARLY as many people my age there. So, the Pastor is great but the fellowship isn’t that wonderful.

I will be trying a new Bible Study thing on Wednesday nights with them that might work out well but we’ll see how that goes. So yeah, there’s a lot of change going on in my life and I just don’t know what to do about it. Starting to get a little over-whelming but I’m sticking with it and trying to do what God wants me to do. Now if I could just figure out what that is…